Is This A Holdup?

A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change.

When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.

The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter.

The total amount of cash he got from the drawer… $15.

[If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

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Debbie Nicholson

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Would Be Petrol Thief
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for.

Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.

A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake.

The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had and the perp had been punished enough!

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Debbie Nicholson

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Incredible Verification Of Facts

The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company.

The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself.

He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.

The chef’s claim was approved.

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Debbie Nicholson

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Careful Who Approaches You When Out

As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran.

The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.

Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store.

The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”

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Debbie Nicholson

Debbie Nicholson
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The Zimbabwean Bus Driver

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped.

Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.

He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.

The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

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Debbie Nicholson

Debbie Nicholson
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Let The Boss Go First

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says,
‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’

‘Me first! Me first!’
says the admin clerk.
‘I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’
Puff! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’
says the sales rep.
‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’

Puff! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says,
‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’

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Debbie Nicholson

Debbie Nicholson
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An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,
‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’

The eagle answered:
‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

 

Moral of the story: 
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. 

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Debbie Nicholson
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