Articles tagged with: funny

Leo’s On The Move Pt 4

Date: June 10, 2017 Author: Debbie Comments: Leave a reply

: In Te Kuiti the truck came to a stop suddenly,

: Sergeant Todd had enquired and found that a car Being despatched back to New Plymouth

: That Leo was full of his catnip.

: Therefore getting him into the cage was so easy,

Part 4

The drivers they scratched their heads and they muttered

To each other, just what could they do now?
They just knew that t’was essential to keep the door shuttered

To keep their small passenger safe and secure somehow.

In Te Kuiti the truck came to a stop suddenly,

It was here their replacements would meet them.

The SPCA with its VET lovingly

Was already standing there to greet them.

They had a cage for to carry our Leo to safety.

The trick was to open the door and to pluck him

From the confines of the truck and they were sure that he’d be

In a panic! They had to grab him by his forelimbs.

Cautiously they all gathered at the back by the door

Listening carefully to all sounds coming from inside.

Leo in the meantime was laid out on the floor.

He was definitely not at all terrified.

The door they inched up on its chains carefully

Expecting to find Leo quite traumatised.

But to their dismay, their attitude cheerfully!

No sign of dear Leo. But a site quite disorganised.

“Leo,” they called with their cage carefully staged

By the door so he couldn’t escape them.

The last thing they needed was a cat quite enraged

Who could create a lot more frenzied mayhem.

The drivers and VET were puzzled somewhat

When no answer or cat could they locate.

The drivers jumped up and were soon quite dumbstruck

When by the small box of tea there was their mate.

The 3 of them laughed when they realised what had happened

That Leo was full of his catnip.

Therefore getting him into the cage was so easy, unimagined

Settling down on the mattress quite automatic.

Sergeant Todd had enquired and found that a car

Being despatched back to New Plymouth was a day away,

So Leo was put up by Smith’s daughter who thought it all bizarre.

This adventure of Leo was happening on her birthday!

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Leo’s On The Move Pt 3

Date: June 9, 2017 Author: Debbie Comments: Leave a reply

: Sergeant Todd rang the station,

: “Can you get me the nearest SPCA.”

: It was like rocking a baby snuggled up in his cradle.

: Eventually the Allied office did call to the truck

Part 3

Sergeant Todd rang the station, he rang to find out

Just where did that truck mean to head for?

It’s certain that Leo was in the back with no doubt

He’d been trapped once they’d closed down the door.

One phone call was followed by another quick smart

Their direction to what far location?

Poor Cleo was distraught as they’d never been apart.

Todd had to quickly find out Allied’s Operation.

“Now let’s see here,” he huffed in a flurry to the phone,

“Can you get me the nearest SPCA?”

He could just imagine the panic Leo would be in all alone.

He thought that Leo would be screaming at the doorway.

But we know what’s right, don’t we know of the truth

Of the matter that Leo was actually in!

He’d been tricked and now cavorted and let down by his Sweet tooth.

You could tell by his face all he could do now was grin,

And roll on the floor taking corners with the truck.

Did he care? Not at all, he was out of it

As far as he was concerned he was already moonstruck

By the lasting effects of his favourite plant the catnip.

They say it lasts but a quarter of an hour,

But there were heaps of plants he could readily indulge in.

Our Leo he was completely under its power,

And nice feelings kept coming up from within.

Never mind the miles and miles he travelled

Away from his town, friends and family.

It was like rocking a baby snuggled up in his cradle.

He had temporarily lost all of his sanity.

But Sergeant Todd and Cleo were not at all aware

Of Leo’s state of elation and ecstasy.

The answer phone at Allieds was all up in the air.

To Leo he was in his own world of fantasy.

Eventually the Allied office did call to the truck

That was bearing our Leo the stowaway.

It was just really a matter of ongoing good luck.

There was nothing they could do but to downplay

The discovery that Leo was somewhere on board.

They daren’t lift up the door in case he ran away

And the people who loved him couldn’t really afford

To lose him. No there had to be a better way.
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The Tales of Leo pt4

Date: May 10, 2017 Author: Debbie Comments: Leave a reply

: “No, no, I have looked and is this all you have? Is this the collection you have from yesterday?”

: “No, no, I have looked and is this all you have? Is this the collection you have from yesterday?”

: So off with his goods, neath his arm tightly tucked Sargent Todd left in seeming good spirits.

: “Their own faults,” he says, “because they do take them in Giving them food, water, shelter when it hoses.”

: So when it is time all they all need is to climb Over the walls, and I bet he lets them straight in!”

: When I found him, so desperately starving. Some beggar had gone off and left him to drown

The Tales of Leo pt4

“Ah well, any more Sergeant Todd? I declare,
Are there items you see that are claimed for
On your list that I see that you have carefully
Unfolded, it looks mighty long Sir.”

“No, no, I have looked and is this all you have?
Is this the collection you have from yesterday?”
“Yes, it is all right here, I remember you said
That you needed to look every day.”

“Well, we are a great team – with my list and your things
Better to go about it rather professional.
That way we can keep the complainers at bay
And to make sure to keep all things quite credible. “

So off with his goods, neath his arm tightly tucked
Sargent Todd left in seeming good spirits.
He laughed to himself when he mused what they’d done.
“Cats as burglars, who’d think? When I read the minutes. “

It’s hard to suppose, that a mere cat can be guilty
Of such crime right beneath all their noses
“Their own faults,” he says, “because they do take them in
Giving them food, water, shelter when it hoses.”

“I bet Leo uses every opportunity to scope
All the places that are so friendly to him.
So when it is time all they all need is to climb
Over the walls, and I bet he lets them straight in!”

“And 7 there be soon, so the hauls will amass
I wonder what Leo does with what’s over?
He does wait for me, thankfully, Cleo’s a good lass
She has tamed him, he was such a pushover.”

“How times have changed, since Leo came to town
When I found him, so desperately starving.
Some beggar had gone off and left him to drown
That night never forgot! Leo’s now my son.”

And that’s the end of part 4.

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The Tales Of Leo pt3

Date: May 9, 2017 Author: Debbie Comments: Leave a reply

: And when they are grow’d then their turn it will be To train spouse and grandchildren to help me

: 1,2,3,4,and 5 he could see furry noses A-peaking at him from very close quarters

: More Leos and Cleo’s he could just see a-rumbles Amidst the houses and the inns, the ships and the bins

: Do you have garden gloves? And is that Sister Robinson’s wimple?

: Do you have garden gloves? And is that Sister Robinson’s wimple?

The Tales of Leo pt3

“My Cleo is good but could do with more training,
The Chilin’s are so ready to go out there.
And when they are grow’d then their turn it will be
To train spouse and grandchildren to help me.”

“Tut!, Tut!, Tut!” says the Sargent. “Humph! Humph! Humph! as he grumbles.
More Leos and Cleo’s he could just see a-rumbles
Amidst the houses and the inns, the ships and the bins
“What’s this world going to be like when Leo approaches?”

1,2,3,4,and 5 he could see furry noses
A-peaking at him from very close quarters
To Cleo who was doting to make sure that their fur
Had a good coating and to clean up their hindquarters.

So that would make 7 he would have to keep watch
To see just where in town they were heading
To get what they needed and bring it back home here
When he realised advice would not be heeded.

“Now what do we here Leo, what’s that you have?
Your treasures are normally simple.
But I see from my list of what has gone amiss,
Do you have garden gloves? And is that Sister Robinson’s wimple?”

“Ah Sergeant Todd I declare, I never did thought
That the nunnery I visited last evening,
Was where Sister Robinson would hang pretty things.
Please return with my very best loving feelings!”

“And garden gloves I have several they fit all the sizes
I have several you see for the takings.
Whose hands are denied the protection from twigs?
Ah, that we would have a neighbour be aching –
Was it Mr Richards or have we upset Mr Briggs?”

“Never to mind young Leo,” I say to the rogue,
“It doesn’t matter whose gloves they belong to.
They just want them back, as in their financial state
To replace they’re not able to do so.

End pt3

Click here for Pt 4

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The Tales Of Leo pt2

Date: May 8, 2017 Author: Debbie Comments: Leave a reply

: Great Grand Pussy was King of his Realm Royalty he was, he was King of all Cats –

: He had his own sceptre, his ring, his own stamp, A throne and he had his own crown.

: His Crown would wobble and give you the scares When it pointed in every direction.

: “Ah Sergeant Todd see here man, I’ve a family to keep and provide for, the mice aren’t enough,

The Tales of Leo pt2

And so Leo began his long story of old,
Of how Great Grand Pussy was King of his Realm
He had his own Sceptre, his Ring, his own Stamp,
A Throne and he had his own Crown.

Royalty he was, he was King of all Cats –
His influence and dominion being all over
The world as we know it. He wore always his crown,
Featuring the earth pointing up and moreover

When he came by to visit, respectfully you bowed,
In the hope he’d not come for corrections.
His Crown would wobble and give you the scares
When it pointed in every direction.

“King of All Cats hmmm?” Sergeant Todd nodded his head,
“So that’s where it all did begin then?”
But how did you end up in here in the bleachers with things that you have “collected?”
And your entire family is now being suspected.”

“The burglary crimes are very strong Leo you see
And were it not for my really good nature,
I’ d see you in court like the rest, guilty as
Up to your neck in all legislature.”

“For me and my men, for the Crown as a whole
For the victims who long to find out why,
And who is the burglar just taking their things
Your activities have raised such a hue and cry.”

“Ah Sergeant Todd see here man, I’ve a family to keep
And provide for, the mice aren’t enough!
We have competition you see, and you have to believe
That it’s tough to get plenty of foodstuff.”

“I am Leo, the Cat known on the streets as THE MAN
Leader of this clan and expected to provide for.
My talents I use, and my brains for to plan
And I have to show that I am a good father.”

End part2

Click here for Part 3

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The Tales Of Leo pt1

Date: May 7, 2017 Author: Debbie Comments: Leave a reply

: Once upon a time in a land far away There lived 2 cats who were mysterious in every way

: Parents they were, of a moderate brood Of kittens who shared their features.

: Their skills were in sports where they made their home To live way in the back beneath bleachers.

: Sergeant Todd was a kindly old soul, walking around,

Once upon a time in a land far away, there lived 2 cats
Who were mysterious in every way
They looked so alike you couldn’t really tell
Which was which or who was who depending on their smell.

Parents they were, of a moderate brood
Of kittens who shared their features.
Their skills were in sports where they made their home
To live way in the back beneath bleachers.

It’s their habits we come to you this day
To share with you that which we’ve learned.
The pickups and bring homes of startling discoveries
Among which other things turns out we’re concerned.

Who would have thought that each kitten they raised,
They imprinted upon each what to do when
Sergeant Todd came around, to check up on them
And to confiscate what he found in their home again.

“Oh Leo, you know, what you’re doings not right,
The bad habits you’ve got yourself deep in.
And now you have lured your girlfriend in this,
And she is exactly well, let’s put it, your shoe in.”

Sergeant Todd was a kindly old soul, walking around,
He was always going to games on his beat.
He had been told about Leo and Cleo and theirs,
So to their home he finished his day quite complete.

“Every day I come here and Leo I find,
Every scrap that reports at the station.
Why do you do it Leo my lad?
What got your started? What is the causation?”

“Ah Sergeant Todd, if I told, there would many be hurt
As it goes back to afore Henry 8^th.”
Well that’s a few hundred years of tales to be told,
Would I had time, and I would stop by more often.”

End part1

Click here for part 2

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It’s Monday

Date: April 11, 2017 Author: Debbie Comments: Leave a reply

It’s Monday

Ah, it’s Monday again, that dreaded day
That’s placed right at the start of the week

My human calls out with a voice that’s designed
To break hearts at each sound of her shriek.

Monday comes along and what did this person do in this story that accompanies this cat? They dreaded Mondays. However, Monday is going to come whether you like it of not and being prepared for Monday has to be a good thing – No?

How about today making an extra effort to smile? You already know that everyone you come in contact with or expect to spend the rest of the day with are thinking the same thing about Monday as you, therefore someone has to change something and why shouldn’t it be you?

A smile does so much for anyone – even for yourself.

Try standing in front of the mirror and smiling – very difficult to continue on your grumpy way when there is that beautiful person smiling back at you and saying I love you.

And what’s more – remember there is always tomorrow.

And what would that day be?

Tuesday, correct.

Do what you can on Monday and relieve the pressure for the next day – then you can look back on yesterday and think of all the great things you accomplished on Monday.

The goal is to “focus, plan, and stay calm.”

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It Doesn’t Pay To Look

Date: April 7, 2017 Author: Debbie Comments: Leave a reply

: his .38 caliber revolver

: hold-up in Long Beach, California

: would-be robber James Elliot

: He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again

It Doesnt Pay To look

When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder.

He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.

This time it worked.

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Is This A Holdup?

Date: April 6, 2017 Author: Debbie Comments: Leave a reply

: A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K

: put a $20 bill on the counter,

: When the clerk opened the cash drawer

: If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?

Is This A Holdup?

A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change.

When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.

The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter.

The total amount of cash he got from the drawer… $15.

[If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

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Would Be Petrol Thief

Date: April 5, 2017 Author: Debbie Comments: Leave a reply

: When a man attempted to siphon gasoline

: from a motor home parked on a Seattle street

: Police arrived at the scene

: he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake.

Would Be Petrol Thief
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for.

Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.

A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake.

The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had and the perp had been punished enough!

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