Part 8

If I haven’t already been to the shops and got good food around me, then the first thing I do is start searching through the house for stuff to eat that I absolutely KNOW is not good for me. And try as I might to talk myself out of doing crazy stuff and NOT looking after myself properly, the negatives always seem to win.

That is NOT the way to deal with grief.  That is the time when you should be looking your very best.  Dress up for that week – every day – wear that good dress you have been saving up for – whenever?.  Take the time to put on makeup.  Indulge in hot soapy baths.  Take yourself off to the movies. Pamper yourself.  All of these activities are designed to make you feel good about you.  Then you can look in the mirror and recover far more quickly because there is no reason to look in the mirror with regret.  And when you are on top of the world, you can handle anything.  Where does that strength come from?  From inside you.  You take the time to look good, then that will automatically transfer to that special place inside.  Breathing, exercising, doing good things – life was meant for the living: which means enjoying our bodies and lives for as long as we have left to enjoy them.  Plenty enough time to move on when you are ready.

If anyone tries to tell you to “Get Over It!” – get away from them quickly.

This is your time. If you want to cry, then do it.  If you want to lie in your bed, then do it.  If you want to be a slob for a few days, then do it.  Better that than pretend all is well.  We each have to work through things and each of us deals with things differently.   Just don’t get too far away from being the you that you like about you.

Keep in mind, there is another special kitten or cat waiting for you to love them just as much.  Maybe one will just arrive at your door because I do believe there are Cat Angels sent to keep our spirits up when we feel that all is lost. Just like when my Keith needed comforting when he was 25 years old and if you are not sure what I am talking about, then I devoted a whole chapter about it in my first Amis de Chat Book 1.

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Debbie Nicholson

Click here for your Audio link to this blog

Life Happens Volume 1 A Collection of Funny Emails and Facebook Messages Dating From The 1980s To 2012

Our Favourite Links

Cathy’s Well Groomed Site

Debbie’s Other Blog

Coping With Losing A Cat

Catastrophe Cats

Ongoing stories

Cat In The Fridge

English Proverb

Indulging

Pamper Yourself

Get Over It

Cat Angel

Amis de Chat Book 2

New Product Launch

Part 7

It might even be a piece of music, a song on the radio, a TV programme you watched together. Who knows what prompts a memory?  Arm yourself.  Know that these things are bound to happen. And if it is days, weeks, months or even years – take them as each wave comes. They do get less as time goes by.  I am not sure what the letting go time is for anyone or anything in particular.  We are all unique individuals.  And so we were and are even when there are pets involved in our lives.

Keeping busy is another suggestion.  And what do I mean by that?  Simply breathing is one technique.  I am a student of Tai Chi and breathing is a very important part of Tai Chi.  If you want to restore your mind and body to a state of being calm quickly, then breathing deeply will soon help you to achieve your goal in a safe manner.  Stress in one’s life comes in all shapes and forms.  Grief unfortunately is one of them.  While our nervous systems are designed perfectly to look after us in a perfect way, our human emotions and reactions are something else to deal with entirely.  Our need to relax is not always as easy as can be said – Getting through all the stages of what is the cause is definitely hard at times.

There is the event to deal with and while that is happening we are running on adrenalin.

Then there is the afterwards which is when our emotions and reactions take hold.

Stress creeps in followed by intense exhaustion.

Try to remember to take a couple of minutes during your day to breathe deeply; taking it in, holding it for say 10 seconds then letting it out through pursed lips. That oxygen is what you are lacking right now.  We all breathe on automatic, but sometimes, just sometimes we need that little bit extra. Try it now and you will feel the benefits of it right away.

Let’s face it, when we are not at our best, then everything around us collapses as well.  I know that from personal experience.  When I am not feeling well, that “can’t be bothered” attitude creeps up on me!

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Debbie Nicholson

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Life Happens Volume 1 A Collection of Funny Emails and Facebook Messages Dating From The 1980s To 2012

Our Favourite Links

Cathy’s Well Groomed Site

Debbie’s Other Blog

Coping With Losing A Cat

Catastrophe Cats

Ongoing stories

Cat In The Fridge

English Proverb

Tai Chi

Funeral

Memories

Breathing Deeply

Amis de Chat Book 2

New Product Launch

Part 6

Being alone in your grief is okay too.  Do whatever you have to do.  Keith is more like that.  He is a man.  He feels things differently.  I think that men tend to bottle things up inside them.  Well, I am already proving that because Mottel has been gone many, many years now, and yet since I have been writing books about cats and often mentioning our own experiences with our own cats, it is surprising to me just how much he has grieved silently.

I remember when my own mother passed away.  My daughter and I had only just returned home on public transport from visiting her in the hospital not 3 hours earlier.  I can still see my daughter climbing all over her bed as she was still crawling then.  My mother was ecstatic at the time – praising her and loving her as only a grandmother can.  When we left, she was full of smiles and hugs – who would have thought that that would be the last time I would set eyes on her again to give me such encouragement?

That was around 2pm.  By the time we visited and then we left and caught a bus and a train home, it was 5pm upon reaching our front door.  It can’t have been more than 25 minutes when my motherinlaw called me over to answer the phone – we at the time having just moved into a new home and we didn’t have all the modern things of society installed into it yet.  And on the other end of the phone was my brother saying to me, “Mum’s gone Debbie.” “Gone?  Gone where?  We have just left her.”  “She’s gone Debbie.  She’s dead!”

Well, what a huge shock that was.

I was only 24 at the time – who loses their mother at 24 years of age?  Even today when I am now in my 66^th year, I think about her and I break down sometimes.

Grief shared through losing a pet can be just as devastating.  It has been for my Keith I realise now.  Well, how many more people out there in the world still feel the same over their lost pets.

There is something very powerful in grief.  You can be sitting quietly not thinking about anything in particular, only to break down with a sudden memory that is precious to you of something you did together.

Thanks for reading my blog.
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Debbie Nicholson

Click here for your Audio link to this blog

Life Happens Volume 1 A Collection of Funny Emails and Facebook Messages Dating From The 1980s To 2012

Our Favourite Links

Cathy’s Well Groomed Site

Debbie’s Other Blog

Coping With Losing A Cat

Catastrophe Cats

Ongoing stories

Cat In The Fridge

English Proverb

Grieving Man

Grief

Wellington Hospital in 1978

Mother

Amis de Chat Book 2

New Product Launch

Part 5

Even with the passing of a loved human, it must be difficult to only focus on that event instead of all the good things that you shared when they lived among you.   Don’t you recall funny moments?  Don’t you recall cute moments?  Don’t you recall them talking to you?  Don’t you recall how they followed you around?  Don’t you recall little things you noticed about their behaviour?

These reasons and many more would be a good suggestion as to how to help you cope with the passing of a favourite pet.  A celebration of all that he meant to you is a great way to move forward.

As in the case of Mottel, it was easy to talk to and be around other people who had had cats with longevity and what they did and how they coped with their passing.  One of my very good friends had a cat that lived nearly 20 years – he had many memories of his cat – and would often refer back to those years and what great importance all of his habits and activities meant to him.  He had millions of photos as well – he didn’t have children at the time and so the cat to he and his wife was the most cherished and most spoilt “person” in their household.

Unfortunately there are many people out in the world who don’t give a damn.  To them, they are only animals.  They have never had or given themselves the opportunity to give their hearts to someone other than themselves.  Therefore it is in their nature to say cruel things when you try to broach the subject with them.  Ignore their taunts.  Getting cross with someone because of their heartless comments does not serve you any good.  Avoid the subject, or them for a while at least until you feel you have moved on yourself from the passing of your pet.  You need to mix with people who understand and who have been through such a time themselves.  Surround yourself with such people and they will help you heal the rift you are already feeling within you.

A true friend will give you the space and the listening ear for as long as you need it.

Thanks for reading my blog.
Please comment below and share my link.

Debbie Nicholson

Click here for your Audio link to this blog

Life Happens Volume 1 A Collection of Funny Emails and Facebook Messages Dating From The 1980s To 2012

Our Favourite Links

Cathy’s Well Groomed Site

Debbie’s Other Blog

Coping With Losing A Cat

Catastrophe Cats

Ongoing stories

Cat In The Fridge

English Proverb

20 year old 

Understanding

Cute Stuff

Loving memories

Amis de Chat Book 2

New Product Launch

Part 4

So we had to wait for another litter of kittens to be born and this time we got a kitten that was unmistakeably black and white – a Tuxedo kitten much like Leo in our other stories.  Well he was with us for quite some years and we loved him.

Unfortunately for us, and for him, we took him on a holiday with us and he wasn’t sure of the roads, never having had experience with roads before as we lived on a hill surrounded by bush so why would he be educated about how to handle traffic on a road?  Where we were staying, we were right on a suburban road where buses and cars travelled past quite frequently and as to be expected now that I look back in hindsight – he was run over while crossing the street outside of our holiday retreat.

When we returned home, we had to wait for another litter to be born – and sure enough this time we came home with a Calico kitten which we called Mottel.  Well, there were no nappy buckets this time as our son was not to be born until a couple of years later and by then the two girls were old enough to be able to look after her and give her as much attention as she wished.  Mottel lived with us for many, many years after that until when her time to leave this earth was up, she suffered her stroke.

Dealing with the grief each time with young children is very difficult especially when it seems to be an ongoing experience for us in particular.  It is definitely not an easy time to cope with.  I have since read up on several ways in which to cope with grief for a pet and hopefully what you read here might help you to get through your own situation easier than we did.

Kittens and cats have their own personalities and therefore when you think of them they do conjure up a lot of fond memories.  We had photos that helped;  photos of our daughter playing with her new pet.  Sure, he wasn’t with us long, but memories are still cherished no matter how long and how much time you shared with them.

Thanks for reading my blog.
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Debbie Nicholson

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Life Happens Volume 1 A Collection of Funny Emails and Facebook Messages Dating From The 1980s To 2012

Our Favourite Links

Cathy’s Well Groomed Site

Debbie’s Other Blog

Coping With Losing A Cat

Catastrophe Cats

Ongoing stories

Cat In The Fridge

English Proverb

Coping With Grief

Calico kitten

Tuxedo Kitten

Suburban Street

Amis de Chat Book 2

New Product Launch

Part 3

No cupboards or machines had been left open, therefore he had certainly not hidden anywhere.  We searched and searched even through the cat flap, not that it was open in the very small chance that it had gotten out somehow.

In the meantime I was busy with the baby, changing and feeding her while I had the chance.  I remember after settling the baby down going to throw the nappy into the nappy bucket and who was in there, obviously drowned – our kitten.

That must have been the saddest day in our family – and then to have to explain to a 6 year old because she always helped me with the nappies and it was one of her jobs to put the nappy into the nappy bucket. We both cried and cried for a very long time after that.

We had a funeral of sorts and we buried our kitten in the garden along with our budgie who had passed on earlier.

After a while, the cat next door had another litter – and with insistence from our daughter, we got to choose another kitten, this time one that looked like a lion as it had a mane type of fur down its back and around its neck which it didn’t lose as it grew.  The six weeks went by and so we bought the new kitty home.  It was not long before we realised that this kitty was not a very nice kitty.  He had a temper.  In fact, he scratched for no apparent reason and didn’t seem to like us much.

It was not long before he ran away and for a long time after that we used to see him down at the school below our hill where he obviously had decided to make his home – he never came back up the hill to our home and even today I wonder how it got fed.  He was just one of those wild ones – and chose a feral life for himself rather than the luxuries of being with a family in a nice cosy home.

Thanks for reading my blog.
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Debbie Nicholson

Click here for your Audio link to this blog

Life Happens Volume 1 A Collection of Funny Emails and Facebook Messages Dating From The 1980s To 2012

Our Favourite Links

Cathy’s Well Groomed Site

Debbie’s Other Blog

Coping With Losing A Cat

Catastrophe Cats

Ongoing stories

Cat In The Fridge

Our 2nd Cat

Nappy Bucket

Funeral

Amis de Chat Book 2

New Product Launch

Part 2

Well, anything to please her, and so I said she could – so she looked forward to the next time – which when you are actually waiting seems to take a long time.

Like watching the kettle boil.

At last the inevitable happened and we had another litter.  This time they were multi-coloured which took a lot of explaining to my youngster at the time.  She chose a fluffy orange coloured kitten and so when it was six weeks old, we welcomed him into our home and she played with and looked after it as best she could.  At that time I was nearing full term with our second child, and so when the new baby arrived, the cat came to be second place in our daughter’s life.  There were many years between them so having a new sister naturally took priority over the kitten.

After the baby arrived, it was our habit in those days to soak our nappies in bleached water so that we could proudly have them flapping out in the wind for all the neighbours to see that the baby had arrived and we were looking after it with clean intentions.  Now that I am a grandmother, there are no nappies proudly pegged out on the line as those material cloths don’t seem to be what is the preferred method of clothing for this generation, because today the throwaway society wins out in most departments.

I remember one day we went to visit my parents to show off the baby and as usual we locked the kitten up in the laundry – that had always been our usual habit – it was a rather modest room – the back door had a cat flap – not that the kitten was able to use it yet, however, there was plenty of room for his kitty litter and the toilet room was off the laundry and with the laundry machines there was ample opportunity for the kitten to play and run with a lot of room to spare.

After a few hours we returned home, and immediately our daughter ran to let the kitten out.  Only we couldn’t find the kitten anywhere.

Thanks for reading my blog.
Please comment below and share my link.

Debbie Nicholson

Click here for your Audio link to this blog

Life Happens Volume 1 A Collection of Funny Emails and Facebook Messages Dating From The 1980s To 2012

Our Favourite Links

Cathy’s Well Groomed Site

Debbie’s Other Blog

Coping With Losing A Cat

Catastrophe Cats

Ongoing stories

Cat In The Fridge

English Proverb

Fluffy Orange Kitten

Nappies On The Line

Laundry Room

Amis de Chat Book 2

New Product Launch